Metro, how do I love thee?



Dear Metro,

I don’t know where to begin because there is simply so much to say. But I’ll just say it: the past six weeks have sorely tested our relationship. At best, I feel taken for granted, but I usually feel neglected and disappointed. Sometimes I even feel jealous and angry, especially when I see you showing off your sexy Silver line. I understand the attraction of luring those debonair suburban seven-eleven men and foxy ladies out of their sleek BMWs and Porsche SVUs into your new cars, but baby, they’ll never be true to you like I am. They are only going to ride you until something more convenient comes along (read their car).

I admit I haven’t been perfect either and I understand the intoxicating allure of the chase. You know about the couple of flings with ZipCar, but I had to do it.I don’t know how to put this diplomatically; you simply couldn’t do it for me. I know that sounds callous, but I swear I was thinking about you the entire time!

Most off all – and I’ll be totally honest here – I need someone who I can have fun with anytime. This schedule of yours (though it’s been anything but this past month) just kills the mood. Be back by twelve or I have to take care of myself? Come on, I’m not in high school anymore, and I don’t roll that way. I’ve told you about my dream of riding you all the way to Georgetown for years now. I’ve pleaded with you to take me to BWI and National Harbor, Del Ray and Potomac Yards, and beyond. Won’t you come with me?

I’ve stood by you through thick and thin for six years now. I’ve waited patiently while you were who-knows-where for hours on end. When you shut down on me, I respected that you needed space and found other ways to occupy myself. I’ve put up with your lies on WMATA (and, fyi, I’ve been late for work because of that). You promise me that the delays and the fare hikes are to help YOU serve ME, but I feel just the opposite; in truth, I feel used.

I used to brag about you to all my friends, even New York; you outshine LA by leaps and bounds. But Metro, I can’t take these seemingly endless delays anymore (in case you forgot, do you remember stranding me as early as 9:30 PM in August, or when you shut down on me over Labor Day weekend, and now you’re telling me about residual delays). How long will this last!? I understand you want to grow and strut your stuff – I’m a 21st century man and I want you to soar – but you can’t lust after Fairfax and Loudon and ignore me. It’s not right and frankly, I’ll go elsewhere if I must. (Dubai promised to take care of me).

But I can’t stress enough that I don’t want to. Metro, you should know this, but I want to make this clear: I love you and I always will. We have a long, complicated, and at time, tortuous history together. But we’ve have a lot of good times too. Remember when AW came for New Years and had that posterior emergency? I certainly remember when you let me sleep all the way to Franconia-Springfield (you didn’t even rat me out). But my needs are changing and I need you to change with me. I know I can’t be the only one telling you this. I’ll support you, but I need you to meet me halfway. Won’t you come with?

Affectionately yours,


P.S. Many thanks to JP for the inspiration.

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One Response to Metro, how do I love thee?

  1. JP says:

    Fantastic, I love it! I thought about actually sending mine to WMATA, but I don’t think anyone there would get it.

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